The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I can't write. I mean, I literally can't write. Whenever I click on the New Post button for Psychotic Justice, I can't even form a coherent sentence. I don't get it. Where did I go? Not only that, I just haven't been excited at all lately. For Harry Potter. I wasn't excited at all for Harry Potter. Remember last year? Remember the standing on your toes, arm-flapping, serious business anticipation? I don't. I don't feel anything. I just watched Deathly Hallows and I don't even feel anything. 

Well, yes, I'm mad that they decided to go with J.K. Rowling's "it could've gone that way" in regards to Harry and Hermione (I watched an MTV special - they said something about Harry and Hermione being attracted to each other and while I get it, I totally do, two hopeless teenagers in a tent, having not seen or been with anyone in what must feel like forever, tensions run high - sexual tension - but I've always thought that during those Ron-less days, they just mourned the absence of Ron and Hermione was way too down to be dancing-

No, really, even my sister got it - it was a sweet, sort of brotherly scene but I can't help but thinking that they're just cashing in on their cash cow, movie!Harry/movie!Hermione, the ship of the century. I know that the more sane Harmonians aren't going to take this as even a remote victory. I'm just pissed that they specifically said that Harry and Hermione were attracted to each other. That ruins canon! You do not mess with canon, oh my God. 

Hurrah for now my spirit in writing has returned to a somewhat normal level. So after having to call and text them countless times, I finally managed to settle the whole movie deal with Nisa, Afreena and Intan and while I have no idea if Afreena and Intan are going to be able to make it, I couldn't care less because I'll just go tomorrow anyways. I've already got the tickets. And Nisa, despite some miscommunication earlier on, seems satisfied with things. It's not going to be the most comfortable of scenarios - Afreena and Intan and Nisa and I - but it's Harry Potter. Last year was a mess, oh God, don't remind me. So, really, this year it's like I'm making amends, you know. 

I had also made similar plans for Deathly Hallows with Elia and Kai and God knows who else but after some setbacks and a few minor tragedies, I'm not going to go with them to watch it tonight after all. Couldn't care less, of course, given the fact that I've already watched it with my sister. We booked the tickets yesterday - Gold Class, might I add! It was an enjoyable enough experience. The only thing that totally ruined the mood was myself. I was in an awful mood. No excitement present in my bloodstream at all. No adrenaline rush before setting foot in the lovely cinema. Nothing. I felt nothing. I don't know. I really don't. 

What with everything that's been going on, I'm really scared. I can't write. I can't feel. I can't be excited. I just don't care anymore. I can't help but think, you know, that they've turned me this way but I know it'd be really stupid of me to blame this on everyone but myself. I've changed. Honestly, I don't like it. 

Glee this week, guest starring Gwyneth Paltrow. I'm surprised that I went through three pieces of her singing and didn't feel bothered at all. Will was, as usual, terrible and while I wish he could have just died from monkey flu and Holly could just teach Glee and Spanish forever, I know Glee's not going to fulfill my every wishes. Right now I'm fully content with having Chord Overstreet as Sam (with or without meaningful lines, I couldn't care less) and the whole thing Blaine and Kurt have going on (dating or best friends, I don't give a fuck, just give me more cute scenes like that one at Breadstix. Heavens, those two).

I'm sweating a lot now. I'll just go. I want to write a whole entire post devoted to Deathly Hallows and after watching it for the second time tomorrow, perhaps I will, but really, who's dumb enough to cross their fingers for this to happen?

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