The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

if they want you, then they're gonna have to fight me

I've had this as a draft on my main blog so I just want to get rid of it.

What sort of profession in the wizarding world would you choose and why?

I know that my ideas of Wizarding careers are mostly (if not purely) based on the fanfictions that I have read, but to be fair, I don't think the subject of wizarding careers came up much in the books (and I'm not complaining about that at all because it leaves more to the imagination). Anyways, there are two main things that I would like to be if I were to grow up in the wizarding world. First off, I've always been interested in sociology, so maybe something along the lines of studying wizarding society. I'm sure these types of jobs exist but I'm not sure if it's a Ministry job or not (it probably is as the Ministry deals with a lot of things). I would also consider Arthur Weasley's previous job, which is in dealing with Wizard-Muggle relations, but that's only a side option. Nothing I'm dying to pursue.

Second, I read the James Potter series developed and written by G. Norman Lippert and the idea of learning about the relationship between science and magic is absolutely fascinating. I can imagine myself living the rest of my life learning about this, doing research on it and maybe then teaching it to other young witches and wizards. So for the most part, I'd like to do something along these lines. I think both these career options are Ministry-based jobs but maybe they've got their own research centers for these sorts of things. Either way, I wouldn't mind.

You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one Harry Potter character other than Hagrid and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you'd want with you.

I'd definitely take Luna Lovegood with me. I see myself and Luna as two people who would get along marvelously. I have no qualms about oddity. We will spend our hours in the forest talking about impossible creatures and theories and conspiracies and just enjoy a quiet walk in the moonlight. I'm not very brave myself so the Forest does scare me a little but I think that with Luna around, it's going to be harder to be afraid. I know people view her as kooky and a little bit off her rocker, but Luna's brave and loyal and she'll have your back in a heartbeat. Having Luna around is like having just the oddest little protector ever and plus, I just think she's good company.

As for the object, I'd take my iPod with me. Sounds weird, I know, but I think the wizarding world lacks musical appreciation (not that I blame them or anything; they have been trying to recover from one war to another). I'll offer Luna one of my earphones because I personally think that Luna and I would have the same musical tastes. We'll stop and sit under a tree and stare up at the moon, listening to all the songs I've downloaded in my iPod.

If you had the opportunity to live forever, but your family and friends did not, what would you choose? And if you did choose to live forever, what would you do with eternity?

I would love to say yes. That's what I would want more than ever. If I could live forever then I would have forever to read and gain knowledge. I've always loved reading and I've always thought that there was just too little time and too many books to read. Sadly, I know that I won't say yes. I can't bring myself to do it. If someone offered me the Philosopher's Stone I think the first thing that I'll do would be to accept it but then after mulling it over, I'd start to feel guilty. It's not just the matter of my family or friends. I think I'm just scared that if I have too much time on my hands, I'll turn into someone different. Someone who I don't want to be. Ultimately, I know that living forever is not an option for us mortals. It just doesn't feel right. I would love to plan my death, make it as least painful as possible, and I would love to live to a ripe old age but living forever is just not in the cards for me.

If you could travel back in time to one point, when and where would you go? Why?

I hate dwelling on the past and for the most part, I can't stand people who can't look past their past failures or successes and instead focus more on what the future has to offer so for this question, I don't think I'll give an answer. I wouldn't want to travel to any points in time because I feel that the things that occurred in the past is what has brought us to the world we live in today. We're very lucky. Even though modern technology has its disadvantages and privacy is harder to come by in our age, I think for the most part, I very much enjoy living in this modern era. I can't imagine trying to live in a time when science wasn't as fully understood or humans weren't quite as civilized. If I could go back to stop a potentially threatening war that has or will soon happen, I'm not sure I'll take up that offer either. Every single misfortune contributes to the betterment of society, I think.

As for traveling backwards in time to a point sometimes in my past, I've got a rather similar philosophy regarding that. Everything that has ever happened to me, good or bad, happened for a reason and it has made me into the person that I am today and I'm quite proud of myself for the most part. I haven't faced death a lot in my short life or maybe the few deaths I have encountered just didn't have that much of an impact towards my life so really, there isn't a solid or necessary reason for me to travel to the past or for me to want to travel to the past.

I would perhaps like to travel to the future, if that were possible. The really distant future, like the year 3000 or something. I would  be dead by then, surely, and there's nothing I'd like more than to see how science and technology and the human society have progressed in that thousand years or so. After spending about a few weeks there, I'd go back to my own time and live my life as I was always about to live it.

What HP character do you identify with most and why?

This is actually very hard but I do have two characters tucked up my sleeves. You're probably not going to enjoy hearing this but the character I identify with the most would probably be the Malfoys. Any one of them, really, but mainly Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. I'd probably not be as bigoted as they are but they do possess quite a few traits I see in myself and the main one is that they are smart in using what they have to their advantage, i.e. their power and wealth. They also only side with the winning side. If I were in a war, I'd definitely go with the side that A) guarantees me a position of power and B) would be sure to win.

The other character would probably be Snape. I know my choices just scream out SLYTHERIN PRIDE but really, no, I'm not gunning for that, not really. In Severus Snape, I see a lot of qualities I see in myself: he really feels like he owes the Potters something, for what James did and especially because of his guilt for technically being the catalyst to Lily's death. If I felt like I owed someone something, I'd go to the ends of the Earth to repay it back. It's not a question of loyalty: it's just debt and I believe that debts should be paid off. Another thing, Snape's smart and I think that for the most part, he loves flaunting his knowledge. He practically demeaned the author of Advanced Potions Making by scribbling notes and correcting the book thousands of times. I see myself doing things like this. Besides, Snape's a jerk and he's not afraid to dole out criticism, even if it is unfair at times. And he does it in just the most wicked and sarcastic ways, in a manner in which I see myself following about most if not all of the time.

What would you see if you looked into the Mirror of Erised?

I'd see myself in the future. Older. Not with kids or a husband or anything because I honestly don't think I'm cut out for a life of family. I would look happy and content with my life but most importantly, though, I'd be successful. I've worked hard at my studies and I do consider myself amongst the top of my class. I just want to do something ground-breaking. So that's what I'd see in the Mirror of Erised. Myself, happy and possibly being the first person to build a working time machine or discovering life on other planets or ways to travel through the galaxies or, you know, actually discovering magic.

Do you believe that moral actions should be judged by the intentions behind them, or by the consequences they create?

What a gray area! I would say that intent is more important because when something bad happens, everyone automatically goes, "what's done is done and there is nothing you can do to change it". Intent is something that exists before the consequences. Intent is something that is actually within your power: you have an intent to do something and you can either abandon the idea or go through with the plan. The consequences can be fatal, of course, but if you accidentally kill a kid while you're driving, I don't think it counts as a sin as you didn't intend to run over the kid. The consequences affects both you and the kid's family, of course, and the family is looking at a stretch of depressing years ahead of them. Ultimately, though, if you do the right thing and always have the best intentions at heart, I don't think that puts you in the wrong. However, if you ignore the opportunities the consequences opens - for example, if you commit a hit and run and don't confess to the crime of killing the kid - then you would be in the wrong. Your intent was not confessing.

In the long run, it doesn't matter anyway. We're all too inconsequential to the universe for any of our actions, with the intents behind it and the consequences borne from it, to have that much of an impact in matters of the universe. We're all just sort of living in our own world until chance and coincidence forces us to interact with others (for example, both you and the kid happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time).

What was your ideal job as a kid? Has that changed? What is your ideal job now?

When I was younger, I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help people. I watched lots of TV shows like ER and House and what they did, the doctors and nurses and all of them, it looked truly fascinating and I was always captivated. But then my sister pursued the medical field and I learned a lot from her textbooks and she showed me some videos. Being a doctor would be cool and would give me a great sense of satisfaction (and save lives and stuff, I know) but it is truly disgusting. And the hours are long and not something I'm up to. Also, I would prefer working at a job with minimal interactions with people. So that career choice flew right out of the window for me. But now I do know what I want to do. I want to do research. Medicine is great, sure, but I'm leaning more towards either sociology or anthropology. Instead of being up front to help people, I'll be behind desks studying people. Much better, I think.

If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it, and what would you call it?

idk omg leaving this blank for the moment.

If you were to face a boggart, what would it turn into? And what does it turn into when you throw the counter-spell, Riddikulus?

Hermione's a very hard-working girl and she always puts her friends and studies ahead of everything in her life (which I obviously do not do) and I've been compared to her a lot because I'm kind of smart. In my opinion, the only similarity between Hermione and I is our fear of failure. It's the only thing I can think of off the top of my head that I am afraid of. I'd see myself probably failing every single test I took and maybe even expelled from school. Or I'd see myself just failing everything I've ever set out to achieve.

I don't know what would happen if I cast Riddikulus. The only thing that could possibly make me feel better if I fail is if my friends did worse compared to me.

What do you look for in a friend?

Someone who doesn't do something just because others do it. Originality is very important to me, I believe. If you're the kind of person to conform or crumble under peer pressure, if you're the type of person who can't take constructive criticism or fall head over heels in love with something just because it's the "it" thing at the present, then chances are my respect for you would drop to zero. A good but healthy sense of humour and the ability to handle my jokes and sarcasm. Someone who could put me in my place. I like to push people around because I find it fun (in a sick and twisted way) to find out what a person's limit is and if they're able to tell me to stop doing it then we should just probably be best friends right away. Another important thing is a healthy curiosity. I hate complacency even though I sometimes see myself as a complacent person but I cannot tolerate people who can't find things out for themselves or who are too lazy to see their own potential.

What trait most annoys you about other people?

Hypocrisy. That's the top of my list. I know so many people who say one thing in front of someone and when that someone turns their back, they'd say a whole different thing completely. Most of my friends are hypocrites and while I've crossed that line once or twice, I always make it a point to tell my friends if I've been talking smack about them behind their backs. Most of my friends don't do this, though. Another form of hypocrisy I hate is when they say they hate or love something when in all actuality, the exact opposite is true.

Another thing that annoys me about people is their lack of originality. In music, especially. And fashion. I feel like in this day and age, we've been exposed to so much through different forms of media that there's hardly any room to develop a healthy identity all on our own and, yes, maybe it is impossible, but most of the people I know don't even bother trying. The last thing that bothers or annoys me about certain people is if they are close-minded. I don't mind if someone's got an opinion and if they feel a pathological need to share it with others (God knows I go through this on a daily basis) but they've got to accept that their opinion is not the only opinion and certainly not the only opinion that matters.

What do you think are your top five abilities or qualities?

First off, I think I'm a very helpful person. The one thing that I won't bother helping people with is their emotional problems. I think most of my friends let their emotions get the better of them and if they truly did want their life to be better, they would have taken the necessary steps towards that better life. No, I'm helpful to others is a different way. A lot of people wouldn't want to do dirty jobs or small, menial tasks that can make an assignment better. I don't have problems doing that. I take up the jobs that nobody wants and if someone asks me to help them with something, I hardly ever refuse. I'm also probably the person that works hardest in group assignments but I'm not controlling. I just make sure everything's done and the work that's supposed to be completed is done in a neat and orderly fashion.

Second, I'm confident in myself and my abilities. I know my limits pretty well and if need be, I know that I can push that limit just a bit more to get the desired results. This makes me a very happy person, actually. My confidence makes me optimistic to a fault (but in reality, I'm more of a realist). I think that I'm very warm towards others and even though I may not speak a lot because my social skills are somewhat abysmal, I do like making others around me feel as comfortable as possible when we are hanging around each other. I don't get mad easily and if I do, I choose to say it in as curt a manner as possible instead of keeping it to myself. For the most part, I'm just a happy person and hopefully that rubs off on others in my presence.

Third, I'm very tolerant and accepting of others. I'll admit that if somebody does something to annoy me, I won't have problems in calling them out on it. If they repeat the mistake, I'll just keep telling them and telling them to stop. However, I think that I stick by them no matter how terrible their actions and personality are. I'll tolerate the bad side of other people's attitude and after sometime, I'll learn to accept their flaws. Usually, I do this pretty readily, without the need for further explanation from someone. Over the years, I've just come to the conclusion that everyone is flawed and if I'm ever to keep my friends and myself happy, I'll need to accept this fact.

Fourth, I'm a pretty honest person. I don't sugarcoat things and I only tell white lies once in a blue moon, never to save anyone the pain of facing the truth, though. I believe that if someone needs to know something in order to be a better person, you should tell them. I would want everyone to be honest with me. Honesty is something that's just very important in my life. I can be brutally honest at times but the painful truth is so much better than a disguised lie.

Lastly, I'm a very ambitious person. Some of my friends don't even know what they want to be in the future. I do and I'm taking the steps and then some to achieve my goals. I want to be as successful as God could possibly allow me. I'm also prepared to use any means necessary to get to where I want to be. Some people may say that I'm mean and willing to step on anyone in order to get to the top but I realized a long time ago that to be at the top, there's always going to be others at the bottom.

God, I sound like such a cold and heartless person. Honestly, I'm very warm in real life. I just tell it like it is.

What do you think are your top five weaknesses or worst qualities?

Number one, I'm a very cold and sometimes insensitive person. You might even go as far as to call me emotionally detached. I can't really help it. It's not really that I'm afraid of getting hurt, I just don't see the point in getting an emotional relationship started in the first place. I have very few people I can trust completely in my life and I value these people more than anything. Most of my friends have gotten used to my 'unique' outlook on relationships and feelings. When I'm in a conversation, I do make an effort to be more sensitive. Sometimes I fail, though.

Number two, I can be quite selfish most of the time. Not selfish in the sense that I won't share my pudding with you. I just don't really think about others as much as I think about myself. I don't even bother trying sometimes. To me, my happiness is of the utmost importance. If I'm not happy, I don't really see how I can go about trying to make anyone else happy. I'd just want to drag them down with me to drown in my sorrows.

Thirdly, I overanalyze things. I overthink. This is why I used to get major anxiety problems back in the days. It still comes up from time to time but I've learned to manage it better, I think. Most of the time, I do things without thinking it through but then after that, I seriously begin to second-guess my actions and the worry will just take over me until I can't focus properly anymore.

Fourth, I look down on people easily so you could say I'm quite judgmental. I don't normally keep my opinions to myself and would rather voice them out but the thing is, the littlest things could make me look down on a person. I think the ones that I need to work on the most is probably regarding musical tastes and also tastes in books and movies. I've got to learn to accept that not everyone shares the same interests as me. It gets hard sometimes because once I hear the kind of music they like to listen to and the kind of books they read, I can feel the respect I previously had for them disappear as if by magic.

Last of all is number five, I have a very bad temper. I can control it most of the time. I'm better at handling it at school compared to when I'm around my family. I can hold a grudge for a long time and when someone has seriously offended me in some way, I'll probably get really worked up and say something or do something I'll regret (or probably not) later on. At school with my friends, I have an easier time reigning my anger in because I know there's a larger audience if a fight were to break out but I would still have the urge to punch the walls or something. I'm not exactly violent but I don't have a problem with it either. I know it makes me sound like a bad person but I can't help it.

Define in your own words the following key traits:

Courage: We're scared of a lot of things, be it big or small. Courageous people are those who can put aside their fears for the greater good. Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the presence of mind to pursue what is right.
Loyalty: Loyalty is accepting someone, faults and all, and not deserting them when the going gets tough. Those who are loyal will stand by you, no matter what you have done, how much you've sinned or how difficult you are being.
Intelligence: Intelligence is not only defined but how much knowledge you've gained, but also how you choose to use that knowledge to your advantage. Intelligent people use everything that they have learned and combine all of the abilities that they have in order to make life better both for themselves and for others.
Ambition: Having a set of goals and constantly and tenaciously working so that you can achieve those goals. Using whatever weapons in your arsenal and then some to get to where you want to be. Realizing that at the end of the day, you are satisfied with what you have because you worked hard to get it.

No comments:

Post a Comment