The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Eye Candy

I've been suffering from a terrible, horrible, excruciating headache since last night and it didn't get any better this morning. It's now more manageable, though, because I've finally decided to take up my doctor's advice and wear my glasses. My parents kept on nagging and insisting but as far as I'm concerned, Dr. Jee is a general doctor, not an optician or whatever it is you call those eye doctors. He's not that in the know about the state of my eyes. But the headaches are getting worse so I decided to forsake my whole belief system and put them on for a couple of hours, at least. 

I've compiled a list of why people hate me or why people should hate me upon first impression. 
  1. Upon first being introduced to me, I will not have anything interesting to say at all. I'll be all, "Hi, my name's Hfzh or whatever. So, yeah, hi." I'm not used to meeting new people. Whenever I do, I pretend like it's not our first introduction so I'll treat them just like I treat everyone else I know.
  2. Which is like crap. I treat everyone I know fairly equally and that is like crap. I'll respond to your questions with yes or no answers or sometimes I'd give a really long-winded speech. I will either make little or too much eye contact. I say things that's on my mind and they're not the most flattering things to say to people. 
  3. My sarcasm borders on condescension on so many levels. I also never apologize even if I said something offensive. I've given up saying "no offense" a long time ago but sometimes I'll say it, just for kicks. 
  4. I probably hate you. 
  5. And I probably won't have anything interesting to tell you. I've gotten to know like tons of people through prefects and some clubs and associations and I've yet to make friends with most of them (except for those who are my classmates/actual friends) because I don't know what to say. Plus, I really did offend like tons of seniors because I just can't take a hint. 
  6. Another facet of my personality is that I don't beat around the bush. I'm sarcastic to a high extent but if I really want you to know something, I will cut to the chase and just be brutally honest. So I really don't get it if people try to tell me lies that are really transparent and expect me to just get it. 
  7. I stare. 
  8. If you so much as mention in passing a particular type of music I find appalling, I will probably hate you forever. 
  9. If you read YA fiction that's really dumb and pink, I'll probably hate you forever.
  10. If you speak like a really dumb person, I'll probably hate you forever. 
  11. If you like Blake Lively too much, I'll probably hate you forever.
  12. I don't even try to hide the fact that I hate you forever. You'll know. 
  13. I'm not what one would call subtle but sometimes I like to play games with people just to see if they can handle me. Most of the time, they fail, and I'll end up hating them forever.
  14. If you hate Harry Potter, be prepared. 
  15. If you like Harry Potter, I'll probably end up hating you forever. 
  16. I don't like public affairs or any kind of events. I don't like parties unless it's with a bunch of my closest friends. I don't go out much and I don't like meeting new people. Ergo, my social skills are very low and I have no idea why other people seem to make friends so easily. It's a gift, I guess. One that's not bestowed unto me. 
  17. I don't have a Facebook and when I mention this to people, they either think I'm lying my ass off or look at me like I'm from a different planet.
  18. Oh, yeah, if you have a Tumblr, I'll hate you. Definitely. 
  19. I'm rude. Rude and unethical and cold and I don't really care what you think of me. Mostly just rude. 
  20. I came up with a list of 20 reasons why people hate, which is in itself a justifiable reason for people to hate me. 
I love television and books more than people, music more than life itself and movies more than oxygen. You know, given the fact that oxygen's basically the reason why we're alive and running and all, I'm surprised there are many poems or song dedicated to it. I mean, people are about love and love and love and sex and intercourse and drugs and money, but really. Really? They don't really do anything other than become stationary objects in your life. Also, food. There needs to be more songs about food. God, why sing about how you can't live without love or that woman/man when in reality, you can't live without oxygen and food and water? Dumbasses. 

Oh, wait. Reason #21: I call everyone dumbasses and some of them don't take kindly to that. 

I've given up making new friends because I just think it's not all that worth it. I get like networking and stuff but to be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less about people. Why care about a human being who's just going to die later on and decompose and become nothing but a mere memory? Might as well just care for the memory straight off the bat. 

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